I am rich, so filthy rich!

Success! I have finally caught a break in these tough times, I received a fantastic offer by email from Africa, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to get ahead - to throw caution to the wind and take the dive into financial freedom!

All I need to do is take secret funds from an account and place them into mine, I then in turn get 40% of the whole deal for helping a friend in need. My peace of mind is guaranteed too:

I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 40% of the total sum as gratification, while 60% will be for me. Please, you have been advised to keep "top secret" as I am still in service and intend to retire from service after we conclude this deal.

I am so excited about it I had to tell you all about my future success. I even took the time to copy and paste the amazing deal I'm presented with:

FROM THE OFFICE OF MR. HAKIM JAFAR

AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING SECTION OF 

BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU

BURKINA-FASO WEST AFRICA.

 

Dear Friend,

 

Do not be surprised in receipt of this message as though, you don't know me but  I want you to pay attention while reading this mail, you will understand better. Well,  I am Mr. Hakim Jafar, the director in charge of auditing and accounting section of Bank of Africa (BOA) Ouagadougou, Burkina-Faso in West-Africa. With due respect and regard, I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction.

 

During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to our deceased customer, Mr. Emmanuel Etukudo who died on May 2nd, 2004 in a gassy car accident with his entire family on there way back from Bobo-Dioulasso, the formal capital city of Burkina-Faso, and the fund has been dormant in his account with this Bank without any claim of the fund in our custody either from his family or relation before our discovery to this development.

 

The said amount was U.S $9.8M (Nine million eight hundred thousand United States dollars). As it may interest you to know, I got your impressive information through yahoo search on foreign business relations here in Ouagadougou , Burkina-Faso.

 

Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the bona fide next of kin to the deceased to get the required approval and transfer this money to a foreign account has been put in place and directives, and needed information will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me and also benefit yourself to this great business opportunity.

 

In fact, I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in this country as a civil servant (A Banker), we are not allowed to operate a foreign account and it  would eventually raise an eyebrow on my side during the time of transfer because I work in the same bank.

 

This is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin with affidavit of trust of oath to the Bank and also present a foreign account where he will need the money to be re-transferred into on his request as it may be after due verification and clarification by the correspondent branch of the bank where the whole money will be remitted from to your own designation bank account.

 

I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 40% of the total sum as gratification, while 60% will be for me. Please, you have been advised to keep "top secret" as I am still in service and intend to retire from service after we conclude this deal.

 

Finally, I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until you confirm the money in your account and ask me to come down to your country for subsequent sharing of the fund according to percentages previously indicated and further investment, either in your country or any country you advice us to invest in. All other necessary vital information will be sent to you when I hear from you.

 

I will be expecting to hear from you soonest. Please if you are not interested in the deal don't bother to reply me and delete this message from your mailbox ok.

Have a nice day.

Mr. Hakim Jafar.

If you are interested in this non scam, call me. It is so worth it!

Chris

My daughter went missing!

I am sitting here, sweat on my face, my heart beating and I feel sick. As I had mentioned, my family have got sick; and when your family are sick you put them to bed and check in on them over the course of the night. BUT... Tonight I put Belle to bed (my 4 year old daughter), I went down stairs and put on a few episodes of 24. I was right in the middle of one and I heard the door bang, so I paused the show and decided to take a quick toilet break, so I see Belles light on and I go in to check up on her with her new found measles virus.

To my amusement she was gone, I thought: "ahh, bless her, she is in our bed resting all snuggled" so I go to check on Lindsay and Belle, there was no Belle, I then started to calmly panic, I went up to my loft, no Belle, down to the kitchen, living room, addisons room, toilet, every where: no Belle. I then checked the kitchen patio door and it was open!!

I freaked! I ran and waked lindsay, turned on all the lights and then checked again, no Belle! I felt sick, really sick. I called for her: nothing. Lindsay was really panicking so we started frantically checking all the hide out holes around the house, then she ran out from behind our bed (bay window cove) she was sleeping behind our bed. What a relief. What a horrible few minutes, I can only think I caught a glimpse of the poor McCann family. That was by far my worst 3-4 minutes of my life. I would take anything in place of that happening.

So in that, the only good I can think is that I will post a link to Maddie McCann's Blog in some hope that these guys get some closure either way on that 2 year feeling that I experienced.

Horrible.

Link:

My work on BBC new tonight at 6pm

Be sure to check my work on BBC tonight, I'm really happy with the outcome, I guess I can't really, truly call it my work as I was only the hands that built it from two artists I worked with, however I am stealing the show today as I am responsible for all the hard, hard work that went into appeasing two very contrasted artists.

I also had alan from thefatevlis shoot some video from it, so who knows where this will end up, but I can tell you where it has ended up for now; Belfast's Lanark Way peacewall. It's not the worst art installation, but its not really the best. I like the fact I built and managed the print for it. But they really should have let the boys at it to sort the artwork out with some dog heads and the like. 

Enjoy.

DNA promos - check out the dogs!

 I set some pets to the new dna promo stuff for elevate. Loving where this thing is going and that I can be a part of promoting it. The team are all busy working away on various bits, watch this space to see the kool stuff. 

Here is the brochure-ism: LINK

50's wins

I came back at it after lunch, I think I'll try a blend of pac man meets 50's prude. I think this represents us Belfast type people? Our approach to sex has to be mental. Every thing else is.

Let you know how it gets on.

I'm off home.

Which way to design it...

Today on my desk lies a new bit of work for the Belfast Trust, they are a great crew and generally allow me to fire away on anything I design, this is on sexual health - I can just fire anything on it as it needs to have the ability to go to the very young and very old. So, does pac man win this or a 50's scrap look?

Pdf on it's way on print time...

First of many - I just discovered lovely blogger supports pdf!

Yey, great news for my brain, it found out today that I can upload the work I produce to this blog, meaning that I actually can document the work I create. I find that my whole life has whizzed by with not a single shred of evidence that I work in design.

So here is a first off, rob if your reading, yes, I have spammed your document to the internet before proofing it with you, something you should have signed against when placing your order.

LINKY HERE!

Hope you all like the work. Its vector so download is small.

My mate draws on peoples backs

I just wanted to give you fine folk a look at my mates art: THEFATELVIS

It's not every day a bloke asks you into the mens toilets at church to take his clothes off to show you something, at fist this reads bad, but my mate alan needed a shot of his new tattoos and they rock, so this fine bloke gave a demo.

Alan has been going from strenght to strenght on these super awesome inks, he is available for consultation and indeed to hire for his foxy services. You want some art that means something? Art that is not on 1000 other people? Then seek ye the fat elvis.

Click here to see the skill.

Easter eggs

I am choc'd out and it's only lunchtime. Easter eggs are nice, but why
do all these people make them with the secret suprise on the outside?
When I was a kid they were inside and it made it special. What next:
kinder will put the toy wrapped to the foil? We need to unite. We need
to say no to the packaging whore mongers.

Sent from my iPhone

I fedd RSS like a pimp feeds his hoes...

YES! I did it, took 4 nights to work it out, but there is software out there if your willing and it creates one fat RSS feed from all the mini feeds from the likes of twitter, facebook, flickr, blogger and all the others I have, now I can send them all in one swoop to each of my sites, better still I know how to do it for my clients.

This means good things for this web designer who hates designing for the web! I am so lost right now that I hate what I do, but can't do anything else. It is a creative process but it's just not the right creation I want.

Ahh, the news is that RSS is here to stay its beautiful, powerful and harnessed.

Google got street cred

Google never cease to amaze, I have played around with street view or the wee orange man as you may call him and I must say its way cool. It baffles me to how they decided that this would be a good thing to do, but I now see estate agents using it and news teams. It makes my life easier as designer too, things like a mural off a wall I need for a bit of artwork or a profile of a landmark I need to trace can all be grabbed off this wonderful thing.

I do tip my pointed hat to google for this amazing feat, however, when I done what all you must have done first thing on discovering this new tech; went to see my house - I discovered that the lazy google driver never bothered to bring his car past my neighbours, he switched off the cams and headded home! Come on!!! I want views of my house, I live in a major city on an important road! I'll be watching out for them if they ever come back to finish the job.

I thought it worth mentioning all this in case some of you stumble upon this one day and ask what is it for... The way I see it is that it beats maps into the ground for coolness. The technology in how they mapped the place out was using 360 cams with gps plottings, much like some of the high end dslr's out there. I may have to finish the job they started and upload my shots to google HQ.

It is also available on iphone for you fine folk to use and abuse.